Want to struggle less with anxiety? Get clear on what matters to you.

Image of a footpath in a forest. Photo by Albert Dera on Unsplash

This is the fifth part of a six part series where I discuss how the principles of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) can help you reduce the struggle with anxiety and move you toward a more meaningful life. In this post, I’ll be discussing how getting clear on your values is so important if you struggle with anxiety.

We all have stuff that matters to us

I think about values a lot. I think about them when I feel stuck in my own life and I bring them up with clients when they feel stuck. I think your values should inform every choice you make.

Why? Because your values are all about what matters to you. They are the things that make your life feel meaningful. When you live your life according to your values, life feels rich and vibrant. When you move away from your values (like when you’re struggling with anxiety) life can often feel flat, meaningless, and hollow.

Goals are destinations, values are directions

Your values are different than your goals. You can plan a goal, work hard, and meet it. Then you can plan and meet another goal. It can help to think of goals as destinations that you work toward and arrive at.

It can be useful to think of values as directions we travel rather than destinations. So, just like you could drive a car north or west and pass a lot of destinations along the way, you can set goals that move you in the direction of your values.

Here’s a real life example: you might value your health and find it really meaningful to engage in things that keep you healthy, promote a healthy life, etc. That is unlikely to change over time. This is the direction you want for your life. Ten years or twenty years from now, you will probably still think that matters.

As you move along through life, you can set goals that move you toward your values. You can decide to eat more vegetables or do more deadlifts or floss every day. These goals can be achieved and move you toward a life that feels healthier.

Get clear on what matters to you

Every aspect of your life can be connected to your values. Think about the big themes of your life:

intimate relationships
family relationships, friendships and social connections
health
work / career
community engagement
spirituality / religion

all of these are areas where you likely have something that is meaningful to you.

One of the easiest ways to get clear on your values is to focus on an area, such as your health or relationships. Then fast forward a bit into the future. You can move ahead one year, five years, ten years, etc. What would you hope to see? Who would you be and how would you be living your life? What themes start coming up for you? There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but do notice themes that bring a sense of fullness and energy and even a spark of excitement when you consider them.

If you find yourself thinking of things you will have accomplished in the future, that’s OK - those are goals. Take this a step further and ask yourself why does it matter that you accomplish or obtain these goals? Your answer is likely pointing to your value in this area.

What do you do with these values?

If you experience anxiety you might notice that while you value something, you don’t always act in ways that move you toward what you value. Anxiety gets in the way. Not wanting to experience anxiety can lead us to make choices that move us away from what matters rather than toward it.

An example of this would be if you experience panic attacks. If you’ve had a panic attack, then you know it is a truly distressing experience. And if you’ve had a panic attack, it makes sense that you might want to avoid situations where you felt that way.

The challenge is that some situations that cause significant anxiety and panic might also be truly meaningful to you - something you value in your life. Learning to move toward what you value, even when you are struggling with anxiety can lead to a fuller, richer life.

In the final part of this series on using the principles of ACT for anxiety, I’ll be discussing how taking meaningful action toward what you value can help reduce your struggle with anxiety.