How can you understand anxiety using IFS?
The bulk of my practice is working with clients who are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety takes many forms and can be experienced in a variety of ways - racing thoughts, feelings of dread, or uncomfortable physical sensations. There are a variety of evidence-based therapies that can help and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can be a particularly useful way to understand anxiety and reduce struggle.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety shows up differently for everyone. Some individuals find social interactions overwhelming and uncomfortable. Others have fears of specific objects like snakes or spiders or of scenarios like flying on a plane. For some people anxiety is the overwhelming experience of a panic attack and for others it is a constant stream of catastrophic thoughts.
In IFS we can describe these experiences as parts. In our internal system we may have a part that is constantly worried or a part that panics in certain situations. We may have a part that feels like tightness in our chest or a part that feels it would be overwhelming to be around others and it would be a really good idea to just stay home.
How can you understand anxiety with parts?
As I’ve mentioned in other posts, there are different types of parts and often they interact in our system. Here’s how it can look with anxiety:
Exiles are oriented to the past.
Think of exiles as parts of us that were hurt early on and that still hold the burdens of past experiences. An example of how an anxious exile can emerge is a child’s experience of a caregiver or parent. When a young child is separated from a parent they often will experience anxiety. Typically parents quickly respond with soothing and the child feels secure again. As the child matures they become better able to internalize this feeling of security and soothe themselves. However, for some children, this soothing doesn’t happen. The child senses separation from the parent and becomes distressed and for a variety of reasons the parent isn’t able to soothe the child. The child becomes burdened with this experience of being separated and feeling anxious and not having it resolved. This exile part that is terrified of separation and abandonment continues to show up in future relationships, including friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, etc. As an adult they may logically know that they are OK but a part of them feels like they are being abandoned.
Managers are oriented to the future.
The anxiety that exile parts feel can be extraordinarily painful and overwhelming. Because of this, another kind of part usually emerges to prevent this overwhelm. Managers are parts that work hard to protect the system (the individual) from feeling the anxiety of the exile parts. They scan for possible future events that could be scary and will take actions to prevent them. This can be helpful, of course. A manager part can scan the near future to see if any bills need to be paid, if it’s time to take medication, to remember to look both ways when crossing the street, etc. These managers are great at problem solving to prevent bad things from happening and keep the system from being overwhelmed by anxious exile parts.
In the case of the specific abandonment exile above, a manager part may emerge to make sure that nothing ever happens for the system to feel abandoned. It will scan for possible danger and do whatever it takes to keep the anxious abandonment exile from getting activated. Worry managers may be constantly thinking about what could go wrong in relationships that could then leave the individual feeling abandoned. Needy or clingy managers may engage in behaviors such as constantly checking texts or rereading messages for hidden meanings in order to assure the system that abandonment isn’t happening. Angry managers may want to lash out at others they perceive as possibly abandoning them.
Firefighters are oriented to the present.
If managers try to protect the system by scanning for future dangers or working to avoid situations and people that could become overwhelming then firefighter parts show up in the present moment when things become really terrifying. Firefighters will do whatever it takes to keep the system from feeling the anxious pain of the exile part. In our abandonment exile example above that could look like a firefighter who reacts in rage at the friend, partner or family member who is perceived to have abandoned them. If an anxious exile becomes active a firefighter part could use food or substances or shopping or some other way to numb and avoid feeling anxiety. The goal of a firefighter is to immediately react in the present moment to stop the exile’s pain, no matter if it comes at a cost.
Parts can be in conflict with each other - causing more anxiety.
Remember that Internal Family Systems is about the systems of parts that exist within us. These parts interact just like family members. And conflicts between parts can lead to more anxiety. Keeping with the example above, a manager part may work hard to prevent the abandonment exile from emerging by checking in constantly with their partner to make sure that things are OK. While it may help prevent the feeling of abandonment, eventually the partner reacts negatively to this. The individual who feared abandonment now feels shame (another part). Immediately, a self-critical manager part that wants to protect the system from the shame part emerges to berate the manager part who wants to check in constantly. Now there is anxiety about the manager part’s actions and the consequences. This all leads to even more anxiety in the system.
I have anxiety. How can IFS help?
Build self-energy.
Most every therapy modality starts here - learning how to build a sense of calm, centeredness, spaciousness, etc. that allows you to work with anxiety with less struggle. In IFS the self is the “you” that you are at your core, the you that is not burdened with anxiety. Your self is calm and has clarity about what is going on and also can work with parts that are anxious. This ability to stay clear and calm and confident is self-energy.
How can you build this self-energy? Mindfulness and meditation practices are a great place to start. Learning how to ground yourself in your body is also helpful. Even a simple body scan where you notice what is going on in your body can help create some spaciousness and calm that allows you to relate to your parts with more calm.
Practice unblending from parts.
Learning to notice a part that is becoming anxious or activated is a powerful tool for reducing struggle. In IFS this practice of creating space between self and part is called unblending. Notice the difference between “I’m feeling anxious” and “A part of me is feeling anxious”. Just this shift in language can create some space and a sense of curiosity. This can also give us the opportunity to work with the part of ourselves that is anxious rather than just be blended with the overwhelming anxious experience.
Connect to and witness parts.
Connecting with a part and spending some time with it can be very healing. It can also help with easing distress. Consider if a friend or family member were upset. While you may not be able to solve their problems, the attention you give to them can help them feel better. We can do this for our parts. Once you unblend from an anxious part by noticing it, you can check in with the part - what is it that the part fears? Why is a manager part worrying so much or constantly checking the phone for new texts? Creating a connection with an anxious part can often help the part feel some sense of calm and can be very healing.
Work with a therapist.
Sometimes when we work with our parts we might find that they stay overwhelmed or that it is hard to unblend from them and create some space. Perhaps it is even hard to feel much self-energy and getting to a sense of calm or centeredness is difficult. If you’ve experienced trauma this may seem familiar to you. You may even know that you’re having a big reaction but aren’t sure why. This is where therapy can be helpful for working with the part that holds a burden of trauma or can’t seem to find a way forward.
Understanding anxiety through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) can be a helpful way to reduce struggle. Anxiety stems from a complex interplay of parts: exiles that experienced past hurts like abandonment; managers who work hard to guard against perceived threats; and firefighters reacting to pain in the present moment with immediate but sometimes harmful coping behaviors. Often internal conflict between parts can make anxiety worse. Cultivating self-energy through mindfulness, unblending from anxious parts, and compassionate connection can facilitate healing. Therapy can also be useful, especially for those with past traumas. Through IFS, individuals can better understand how anxiety is showing up, foster self-understanding and healing and create resilience.