How to make change happen
Image of leaves in various colors. Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash
As the year wraps up many people start thinking about what is going well, what could go better in their lives and what changes they would like to make. In addition, many people start considering New Year’s resolutions as a way to make change happen.
If, as the year ends, you are considering some change in your life I think it can be helpful to consider what actually makes change happen. How do you make changes in your life that will work and will last?
The “why” of change: your values
When considering making change the best place to start is getting clear on your values. Your values get you to the “why” of change. Why is this change so important to you? Why would you want to do the hard work of making changes in your life? When you think about a change you’re considering it can help to ask yourself what this change would mean for your life. How would your life become more meaningful, more rich and vibrant? I think it can be really helpful to come up with the value that matters to you and connect how this change moves you in the direction of your value. As an example, if you’re thinking about exercising more in the new year, ask yourself why this matters. Perhaps it is because you want your life to be more healthy or you want to feel a sense of mastery. Getting in touch with your values around change can be a helpful motivator when change becomes challenging.
What comes up for you around change?
As you consider the change you want to make, notice what comes up for you when you think about actually doing something different. For example, considering change may bring up feelings of anxiety or doubt. You may notice thoughts like “I never follow through on things.” or “What if I can’t do it?” You may notice memories of other times you tried to make changes or urges to put off making changes or to procrastinate. All of these internal experiences (thoughts, feelings, memories, urges and body sensations) can influence your behavior. Being mindful of what comes up for you when you consider change can be really helpful. You can then consider ways to deal with the challenging thoughts, feelings, etc. that come up. In the example above, knowing that starting to exercise will bring up thoughts of self-doubt means that you can work with these thoughts rather than let them hijack you.
Consider how you think of yourself
Take a moment to think about how you view yourself in this change. We often hold concepts of ourselves, some helpful and others not so helpful. For example consider the idea of making changes around exercise - do you view yourself as an athlete, as a successful person, or as someone who doesn’t follow-through? These concepts can influence our behaviors, including changes we want to make. If you feel like you’ve never been someone to follow-through on things, how does that influence your view on making changes? Who would you be and what would you do if you didn’t hold this view about yourself? One way to work with this is to think of someone you care about and trust and consider how they view you as you consider making a change in your life. What would they say about you and the change you want to make?
What are you willing to have?
Think more closely about the change you want to make and what comes up for you. For most people making change comes with some discomfort. As you think through the change, it can be helpful to decide honestly for yourself, just how much discomfort are you willing to have to make change happen . The idea of exercise may feel like a good change for you but the idea of exercise at 5am may not be something you’re willing to accept. That’s OK. Being mindful of this upfront can help you shape what change will look like. What challenging thoughts, feelings, body sensations, etc. would you be willing to have and take action?
Start small
Once you notice what you would be willing to have to make change happen you might find yourself modifying your goals. That’s OK. Starting small is a great way to make actual sustainable change happen. What are you willing to commit to? Consider all of the things mentioned above. What thoughts, feelings, etc. would you be willing to have in order to make a change? It is OK to break down a goal into more manageable chunks or to scale up a goal.
Run some experiments, mindfully
As you begin to experiment with change, stay mindful. What comes up for you when you engage in the new behavior? In the exercise example, you might find that the self-doubt thoughts weren’t as bad as you predicted but you find yourself struggling with feelings of not having time for other things. Staying aware of what comes up as you start to try new behaviors can help you relate to them in helpful ways, which can lead to continuing with the changed behavior you were hoping for.
Change is about willingness
Change isn’t about just doing something new or different, it’s about the willingness to work with what comes up around it - the more you can mindfully be willing to have the thoughts, feelings and other internal experiences that will show up the more you can make change happen and make it last.