Mental Health During a Pandemic: Why Self-Compassion Matters
Image of trees along a coastal cliff. Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
As the pandemic we are experiencing moves from an immediate crisis to a longer-term stressor, building resilience becomes more and more important. How will we adapt to the changes that have happened in our lives and the uncertainty that continues?
Resilience is the ability to cope with, manage, and survive difficulties we experience. Resilience is also the ability to bounce back from adversity and thrive. In previous posts I discussed how important creating a sense of control and building positive emotional states is to building resilience. Another way to build resilience is to foster some self-compassion.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is how you face yourself right now, with all the adversity you may be experiencing. It is how you treat yourself as you navigate this challenging time. Self-compassion isn’t about feeling sorry for yourself or just “taking it easy” right now (although taking it easy might be a good way to show yourself some self-compassion!). Self-compassion is about showing up for yourself in a way that is helpful and encouraging, so that you can take care of yourself and face the world around you from a place of empowerment and strength. These are the building blocks of resiliency.
How do you practice self-compassion?
A great way to work with self-compassion is to consider how you treat yourself when you are suffering. Recognizing that you are experiencing pain and taking care of yourself in the moment can help you to struggle less and build positive resources to better handle whatever you are dealing with.
Here’s a simple way to practice self-compassion in the moment that you find yourself in pain or struggling with some experience. Start by asking yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Notice what is going on for you. This is huge. Often we don’t even notice how hard things are for us and we stay in a place of suffering rather than actually doing something about it. Sometimes we’re so used to feeling anxious or sad or ashamed that we don’t even realize how much pain we’re in. Get an idea of what you feel, notice where you feel it in your body and give your feeling a name. It’s OK if you aren’t quite clear on what exactly you are feeling or if you’re feeling a number of things. This is definitely a skill that you can practice.
After you have a good idea of what is going on for you, remind yourself of the following:
It’s OK to feel this way. Others are struggling with this too.
Why do this? Because to recover from a difficult and stressful situation, we need to be able to soothe ourselves. Let yourself know that whatever you’re feeling is absolutely OK and that you are likely not alone in your struggle. Notice what it feels like to say this to yourself. Do you sense some change or shift in what you are experiencing? Does it help to know that you’re not alone?
This may be a new way of talking to yourself but it isn’t too far-fetched. Consider someone you truly care about. If they were struggling with what you’re experiencing, you would probably find it easy to offer them some compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of taking compassionate actions that likely come easily to you and applying them to yourself.
After you’ve noticed what you are feeling and moved to soothe yourself, ask yourself:
What do I need right now?
Practicing self-compassion is about taking care of yourself. We often forget to do this, especially when life gets hectic and our attention is elsewhere. Sometimes there isn’t a whole lot that we can do, but checking in with ourselves can be helpful and can even help shift some of the struggle. Sometimes a small action is all it takes to feel differently. Also, when we aren’t struggling as much, we can tap into our values and intuition and take actions that are meaningful. Checking in and taking care of ourselves also helps us begin to realize that we have capabilities to care for ourselves in future adversity as well.
Why does self-compassion matter?
Self-compassion helps you self-regulate when you are feeling overwhelmed or experiencing painful and strong emotions. It also gives you a chance to process some of what you’re experiencing. Creating the opportunity for your brain to process stressful experiences is a key component for moving toward post-traumatic growth instead of post-traumatic stress.
Self-compassion can also allow a kinder and more supportive voice to show up internally. As life continues to be challenging, being able to find the resources to face what is happening means feeling supported and resourced, more resilient. Self-compassion can help.